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From Fire to a Heartbreak
 
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Simone-Darfox's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, July 12th, 2006
12:08 am
Doctor Passes On
Hey again:

Well today a local doctor's service was at a community center. I went with my best friend Trudy. It was bitter sweet I guess you could say. Over the years this particular person and I had a few disagreements and right now I am going through a ray of emotions. I am conflicted on how to feel about him. I really didnt particually care for him the past few years but deep down there was this one thing that I have to give him credit for... major credit. He SAVED my life.

Back about 14 yrs ago now, when I was in the case room delivering my beautiful daughter; 20 hours into delivery.. I had this abnormally high fever and had an infection. At the time I thought this was normal, no one told me that this was not the case. I never took any prenatal classes and all my mother told me was its going to hurt alot (ya shes old fashioned.. majorly). Anyhow at that time they wanted to transfer me by helicopter to the city but We (me and my baby) were at a stage were it was to high risk.. they gave us a 70/30 chance of making it and so they risked it and they proceeded to go on with the birth out here in the country. It worked. At 3:28pm Mika was born. 21 inches, 10lbs 1oz. If it was not for his help, I dont think I would be here today.

How do you say goodbye to a man who saved your life? And brought your newborn into the world?? That is what was so hard about today.

They talked about his values... his integrety.. his big heart. Hindsight is always 20/20 and now I see how much of a Hero he really is. That is a word that I hardly ever use but this man truly was. I talked to alot of poeple today and what he did for them, not only saving their lives but raised their self respect and esteem while leting them die is something. What can you say to that?? You can't. Many tears were shed.. Even now.

I never thought that I could make a post like this or write deep down about a man who truly touched my heart like he did.. but I guess I can. The reason I wrote this here is because I can not write this on the sites that I belong to. It does not belong there. They do not need to know about the real me. They would never understand the real me. How could they? Most dont even know I have a daughter....

A wise woman once said that to be strong its not only the tough side that you show, its all the sides of your being that are presented in the face of fear that make you who you are and then will you triumph over that which you seek.

Till another crisis hits the fan,
Sim.

Current Mood: sad
Wednesday, November 30th, 2005
9:54 pm
Complexity
Why is it the more complex something is.. the easier it is to understand?

Am I abnormal to the standard quo or is the standard quo abnormal to my standards in understanding things? I think I have a strange sense of understand half ass backwards. But finally understanding what Einstein is making a whole lot of sense (did i get them mixed up sence?).

Now that you look at the problems and the equasions.. making apple pie is harder.. I am strange.

Sim

Current Mood: busy
9:33 pm
Reading.. quantum physics
One I probably didnt spell that right.. two Why cant I get the concept of it? It is so easy... I dont know how many times I have read this matterial.

This is not required reading for the course that I plan on taking at all but more of an personal interest of mine.. Most things that I read a few times.. seems to stay with me but not this.. Mabie I am just not focusing hard enough on it or the cold/flu and friggin migraines might have soemthing to do with it.

Right now I feel like the most stupidest (ya i know that word doesnt exist) person on the face of the earth.

Sim

Current Mood: busy
9:07 pm
A newborn and a Comedy Show?
Last night I in this dream I traveled someplace where I met a lady.. She knew me and I knew her. She was pregnant and needed help with her child.. so together we brought forth her child into the world (where ever that was). At the same time there was this screen in front of us.

The best way I can describe the visual set up would be a bed in the middle of nature.. a city park, someplace with trees.. cement sidewalk, a fountain, birds. The bed itsself was hospital type but modified. The telivision or what appeared to be a tv was suppended in midair with absolutly no supports. Like thin screen ones now adays.

Together this lady (I cant recall the name) we watched what seemed so familiar.. I could swear I have seen the same exact thing twice before somewhere, if not on this plane then perhaps a movie but I am pretty sure that cant be it. Anyhow, together we seen this.. sceen, it was some people running around what seemed to be a hospital... Singing, something like that. One of them appeared to be a hard core rocker; oddly enough, One was from M*A*S*H I beleive... It would be something you would have to see to beleive.

After this.. we just looked back at each other. The lady had or has such a clear complextion, beautiful face. The baby was quiet with blue eyes. I remember talking to her.. and at this moment I forgot what the entire conversatoin was about but it was somewhere along the lines of her being scared.. I told her that she doesnt have to be scared anymore. Things are ok.. You and your baby are fine... See?

Im just wondering if I traveled and met a spirit or another person like me out there who has had the same dream? There is more reading I plan on doing before I make another post so.. Lata

Ciao,
Ms Simone

Current Mood: busy
Sunday, November 27th, 2005
4:12 am
En Vino Veritos??
I heard someone say that in wine holds the truth... Well I have had someone tell me (with and without) incohol as i call it, I love you as I did last nite. Well first off we were celebrating my bday comming up.

Yep hitting mid 30's.. ya!... im soooo thrilled. Anyhow, I showed up at mutts house and Blu cooked meal (mouthwatering) and i lied saying that i had something before i went up there.. thats something the majority of us women do is lie about food... If we say were not hungry... we are.

Anyhow, after a fantastic meal and half a bottle of scotch and kicking ass in something called saskatchewan rummy (i got lost there) everyone retired.

Why am i here at 4 something in the morning instead of up there with blu in his arms? Hell if i know. Im friggin stupid i guess. I do this everytime or did. I know he made the meal for me especially (but did it at her home) because i dropped by from the other town with his meds... yah just a softy at heart.. anyhow, I opened up to him in a major way.. something very personal, something that he never knew.. a big thing.

For the past 2 years a bit more, I have been doing some writting.. nothing much but he has inspired me to write.. he was my.. whatever. So anyhow I just recently shared ALL of what i wrote with him. I have gave him a few of what i wrote here and there.. but not all. Of course him being him he said.. NOt bad.. :p

As if he didnt know.

I think things are moving on and upwards for us but... worried. I have that feeling in the back of my mind that someone is out there wanting to jinx me. I dont know who or where but there is that feeling. I know it. Im not going to worry about it because destiny and fate is what it is. If its going to happen then it is and no matter what you do.. you can not stop us... So blow it out your ass.

I should get some sleep, i gotta cater to a party at 11am, for my bday beleive it or not, and im hung over.. this sux. I talked to someone on my cell phone last nite and cant remember who the heck it was... OOPS. I hope it wasnt that important or something along those lines but at that time of nite.. it couldnt have been, only a few know my number.

Gotta go,
Simone D

Current Mood: drunk
Monday, November 14th, 2005
4:31 pm
Strange things and the Full Moon
I never thought about it in much thought but I have noticed things now that I look back over time and including last nite. There have been some interesting occurances that coincide with the full moon. I have heard that with some people with menatl illnesses it affects them. It may be true

I have manic depression. All I know is that there is a time that I go manic hyper. Its not drunk more like overdose on caffine-happy. Im so happy go lucky and giggly... its almost unbearable. And its infectious. I can make you smile even if you dont want to. Its hard not to be in a good mood when I am in a good mood. Perhaps mood transferance.

But when I am in a bad mood... Oi. Speaking of which; something odd happened today. I got a phone call. Nobody on the other end. I have a feeling I knew who it was.. It might have been blu and wanting to say something and never did. Or perhaps it was mutt; but if it was mutt, she would have said something, shes just that kind of loud mouth bitch type. Blu however would just kinda be lost for words at times. Then the strangest thing happen.

Overcome with rage. Pure anger. This was about 10-15 minutes later. I dont know what happened but I think he got into a big fight with someone or was seriously mad at something. There had to be something go wrong on his end of his side. I could feel his rage all the way here.. I just dont know what happened... I do how ever have a clue. Im not going to say.

From there, still being in a bad mood and trying to shake it, I went over to the parents house (to wallpaper). Mum wanted me to help her do the hallway. So first off got into an argument with dad over cerial of all things.. Friggin ceareal!!! Get a life DAD! Anyhow, after calming down and getting about 6 strips of this stupid sticky goopy stuff put up on the wall Mum says..

"Some people would rather Paint than wall paper'... I told her that they must be into self torture... she said its less clean up than painting. Then she told me about how sometimes that wall paper falls off the wall. I told her that "HOw can wallpaper be eisier to cleanup if it falls off the wall??"

.... she said go home.. she was tired. so i did.

lmao. And that concludes my broadcast day.

Ciao,

Ms Simone

Current Mood: hyper
Saturday, November 12th, 2005
10:16 pm
Jumping from the Pan into the Fire
I got the stupidity gene I think. Or curagous, not sure. I finally came clean and did something that I thought I never would do. Share something deep and very personal to me. Its no big secret really. All my friends know except for Blu really.

Let me explain. I write. More specifically, I write about him; not in this context online, for example stories but poetry. Writting about him over the past 2 some years has lead me to a career change or start depending on how you look at it.

That saying THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE... we will see about that one. Out of curiosity we talked, I told him about this hmm new change in my writting life and he was happy. Asked where he could find them online so told him. We talked later tonite again and he said that he had problems finding them because there was more than one person with my name... Personally I think he just couldnt find the site.. lmao.

So he gave me a email addy... Not just anyones addy but the mutts. Yep the matlese Mutts. Oh I can see tomarrow morning when she gets into the office, all bubbly to see him, sits down with her coffee and siggie, opens up her email and gets all these sent to Blu... How sweet life is. And the thing is he asked for them to be sent there, so I am not getting in trouble.

One thing I negelcted to mention to Blu was that because of everything i wrote in the past 2 some years to and/or about him (inspired) or the vast majority of it. I think when he reads what I sent, it will be quite obvious. So what am I bitchiing about tonite?

Not sure.. Im stressed. I know something isnt right. I just feel it deep down. Im wrestless. I cant put my finger on it and I dont know why. I hate these feelings cause I know I am never wrong.... For once I want to be wrong.. I want to be wrong about something like this. I want to be proved that I dont know ahead of time that someone has passed on or someone is in alot of trouble.... I want to be proved wrong.. I dont want to have this knowledge.. I just..

Ok, I will stop it. I know its stupid or whatever and im just giving myself a migraine. So Im going to sign off.. go and watch a quote happy movie... mabie harry potter (ya im still a big kid big friggin deal) and dig out my old teddy bear and hug it.

If you have any suggestions... now is the time lj buddies.

Ciao for now,
Sim

Current Mood: distressed
Monday, November 7th, 2005
6:59 pm
Just checking IN
Things are going good for the moment. Well no they arnt. I fucking lied. Im stressed about my ex husband. I know that I shouldnt let that fucking moron get to me but I have.

My divorce should go thru mid March and I cant wait. In the mean time, There is the Blu situation.. WERE not even talking.

peachy.... just fucking peachy!

I have a migraine so this is a short post. I dont know what else to say tonite so I will leave the rest of this long drawn out story for some other nite when I have the energy and patience for this shit.

And yes if you cant tell im pissed off.. (sorry).

Ciao,

Ms Simone D

Current Mood: bitchy
Friday, November 4th, 2005
8:11 pm
I forgot the title of my post.. OI
Shoot.. I copied and pasted from my notepad and forgot the name of the post before closing it.. frig! I feel so down, so fucking down. Mentally and physically. To start my bitching I will start with the flu; Peachy keen.

I got it, it went into the lungs but not before thinking (after taking some strong cold meds) that perhaps a 3MI hike would clear up things with some sweat to get the mail (I live in the country). That idea wasnt so hot, it turned into a touch of phenmonia.

Mentally, I am just .... Drained. Im not talking to blu; nor have I been since I had my fight with sis.

In theroy is it possible if you do one thing your conceqences bounce off each other into another relationship? Ying and Yang, I know you need harmony in life but with ummm how do I word it so it makes any sense... Just knowing stuff about things. For example. Knowing that your down and having a pop to drink while scrolling this (if you were down and had one).

Just that, knowing stuff. If you lost your ability to know stuff and your harmony. Or is it just all in your head.

Ironically I am taking a course in philisophy... (shoot i cant spell; dont shoot me ok?) I never claimed to be the worlds greatest typist.

My best friends sister (Trudy's) Marion has passed on and of course we had a service for her ashes. That got me thinking of future events. NO I am not one of those end of the world types but it now hit me that mum has alot of shorter days ahead of her than behind. That really troubles me...

See the thing is.. Im not really afraid of death, I have been with people at that time of passing, but I dont think I can live my life alone. If mum goes (dad is still here) I would feel abandonded. This probably can be said for all those across the world who have a great bond with their parents and/or went through this already.

I know what your thinking, dont think about this!!

Your right, I am trying not too, I am rather thinking of something petty, somethink like my upcomming make up thingy at a store (makeover with Dior stuff) with one of my cosmoticians that I booked for a month back.

I face my birthday comming up and that also depresses me. I know it should be a time of celebration. Its not the age so much as it is the aloneness. I am single with no husband and a family. I look at Trudy's daughter (and family) of 4 kids and wish that I could trade places.

I know that kids are alot of work 24/7 ect,. but somehow I feel that I am missing out on the greatest part of my life here. I know that I would make a great mother and wife..

Ok so call me insane. I no longer care.

So I had two husbands... neither of them were potential father material or husband material (loyal or trustworthy) in the long run.

Do I feel self pity? No. Am I sad? Yes. Do I feel sick? Yep yep. I hate flus.

Right now Im watching H_P movie and loving every moment of it beleive it or not... Im one big kid. Its a make you feel good movie for coughs and colds (now i sound like a darn advertisement)

I want to get back into writting.. but fear is holding me back. I want to go for that gold ring. But I dont want to fall on my face.

Ah to hell with it, Why would I care what others think when the only think I should worry about Is my self esteem and after I take care of myself i can be there to take care of others like I have always done. If I cant take care of myself... then thats when Im useless.

Ciao for now,

Ms. Simone

Current Mood: sick
Sunday, October 16th, 2005
10:28 pm
Im giving up
I noticed something. the advice I have been giving someone else.. I have been doing in my life... I dont know if thats coincidence or some mytic whatever.

Im not sure If I beleive in myself anymore.

I dont want to hurt anyone.. and so for the better of everyone I love and who is involved... I will no longer tell anything of what is going on..

Those know know... know what I mean.. and Im sorry.

I just doint want to hurt youa nymore than I have.

I just got out of hospital.. and need time to heal. The blue eyes incident tonite set me back on my tailbone i guess..

Simone

Current Mood: blank
Saturday, October 1st, 2005
9:57 pm
Where To Start Again ~
After my last post.. See down below.. I have made so many mistakes lately.

I don't know if they can EVER EVER be made right. I dont expect forgiveness for my stupidity or... hairtrigger temper. I dont know under what circumstances a post was made after I posted a Thank you for your friendship.. I just assumed it had to do with me.. naturally, I flipped. Oh well life goes on.

Right now I got more important things going on.

~ Topic 1 ~

As you know there was this .... thing today. Well Spent the day with the family afterwards up at Jude's with Blue Eyes (The original Blue eyes not Blue 2); and Serita and her three beautiful daughters. There was Clay and Jody and their two twin boys, Maison and Logan and daugter Jade. For a short while Clay and Jody stayed but business called and they left.. so there was just the rest of us there (oh and Tess as well).

We talked abuot the day, how things went. Serita (Marions daughter, the one who made the speach mentioned before) was talking about her mum. Her life and her friends. She pondered why or what would keep them away? How could they betray the last time to show respect for their friend? Does she mean that fucking little to them?! Do they not care anything about the family who is left behind who will miss her?? Obviously not.. or they would have been there. Or at the very least, call or sent a card.

Then they brought religion into it.... There was a hmm breif booklet that contained some information. Some of it was on religion. Some pertaining about hell on and on... repentence for sins; that sort of stuff. It was written by her brother (not blue Eyes, the other one Lion). I am sure that he had good intentions but as Randy Travis said The Road to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions.

~ Topic 2 ~

Happy Ice. Swear to God thats his name.. Ok his nick name, he has gone by that name for the end of time or however the saying goes.. his real name is John. Jo is very and critically ill. Fatally I was told.

Happy is diabetic.. Not sure if its type 1 or 2 but hes been in hospital for the last 5 weeks or a little over.. and this is in the city. So if you live out in the country (like we do), you know its serious shit.

They had him on blood transfusions because his kidneys were failing... but then they stopped them.. something about them working, now they told the family something about them stopping again. Also something about a blood infection. There has also been alot internal bleeding here and there, Once they have got one spot stopped and repaired (with the transfusions) anther would break open.. In total this has happened 5... 5 times. So now you know why they are hesitant to do anymore transfusions. Its all been very vague. The last word that we got was that they are making him comfortable as possible.... (that does and doesn't sound good)
~ That was yesterday.


~ Topic 3 ~

Teddy Ice. Yes that is his name for real. And yes he is related to Happy, No Im not lying.. and I dont really care if you beleive me or not.... this is my blog and I will cry if I want to.

Teddy, The father of Maurine; a best friend - galpal since we were kids, whos daughter is the same age as mine.. oh man how time flies.. Well Teddy has had a heart attack.

How does this all tie in? Teddy is a brother to Happy (I think) If not hes a nephew; but im pretty sure they are brothers. When I was talking to Joni (Jude's daughter) she was telling me that Happy is not doing well.. in fact hes dying (obviously) they give him less than a week. I hope; and not to sound insensative, that his passing comes fast and painlessly.. he doesn't deserve to go in pain.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE BIGGER PICTURE

A) Pete. Jude's brother passed on a few years back, Before Edward.. still in the fall I think..

B) Helen (The Mother) Passed on around Cristmas.. Now there is a story to write about..

C) Marion (Her sister) Just passed on Sept 20/05 and service was today.

D) Eddie (Jude's Husband) passed away some time ago a day befor Thanks giving.

E) Happy Ice; Fatally Ill, no hope of recovery

F) Teddy Ice, Just had a Heart Attack, Yesterday..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everything here ties in together because they are so closely related (not includeing birthdays and anniversaries that some of these dates actually fall on)

Most of the stuff... Happens in the fall here.. around our holidays.. and right now.. happening all at once.

********************************************

N E W T O P I C

I realized something totally and .... undesribable would be the best for it. Most everyone who is close to me; or whom I let get close to me knows my moods. For the most of the time, I am easy going and happy. Lately however; things have been changing on a dime and I honestly... dont know why.

I could send a billions appologies to the one person who means the most to me here on LJ about something that I said before but I know that would never be enough. I did however learned something about that spazing out in question.

Its up to you to choose if you want to accept a explanation or not.

When I was reading ..... someones.. post, overwhelming fear, and other feelings just came... BOOM!!! I guess thats the best way to explain it. If you have ever been in a car crash and come to that sudden stop.. well its something like that; emotionally, and a bit of physical tug inside. Why at the time.. I didnt know.

Today I found out why.

At exactly the time last nite I posted to a ummm someones post... Teddy had a heart attack.. and I over reacted.. made very bad decisions and hurt someone I love very very much. Now I will never get back the one thing that mean alot to me, trust, respect and frienship. I know this is gone forever. The reason I am posting is because you are a good woman and deserve to know what happened.

Its up to you to choose if you want to accept what happened to me or not.
We are responsible for our actions, I cant take back what I said, But I can say that I am sorry... I was only trying to say that I was trying to thank you for your friendship and you have done more than you will ever know (something alone those lines).... Im sorry if it got miss interpreted.


Miss you,
Take care

sim

Current Mood: crushed
9:38 pm
A shocking Reality... Apifany?
Today was Marions service. The thing was we (the family) were expecting about a hundred to show; friends etc. 50 came.

That was just family and a handful of friends... Can you imagine?

Her two best friends showed up... The other people were relatives of the relatives or friends of the relatives.

Marion wasn't a particular religious person but did have her beleifs to a point, that there is something in the here after, so she had a priest there. He was ok I guess. There were 4 songs played.

"The Old Rugged Cross" - Ann Murray
"In the Arms of the Angels" - Sarah McLaughlan
"If I were Jesus" - Toby Keith
"These Boots were Made for Walking" - Nancy Sinatra

In all my years of ... living I guess and all the funerals, services and memorials; this one had to be one of the toughest yet. When the daughter, the youngest I think took the podium and began to speak about her mother... It really got to you.. It was more the content.. It made you think.

~ My Mum was a kind and loving person, to her friends and family, today standing here it makes me wonder why her friends are not here to see her off. Does her friendship really not mean as much to them as it did to her? Or did her love for them really not mean that much to them as it did for her. It breaks my heart to see the lack of friends here to see my Mother off; even if its just for support, In one way It does show you who really is your friends are in life.. who cares.. who are willing to go that extra mile just out of the kindness of their hearts for no reason. When we go.. are we going to be the same? All alone.. or surrounded with friends? The reason I ask is because the lack of not showing up is not out of respect to some aspect and yet is but you are hurting our (the families) feelings by being deserted in our time of need ~

.................

Current Mood: sad
5:40 am
Fine...
I understand..

I get it....

We all have fucking problems... and next time you need help

Fuck you.

Go to hell.. live there.. you are always bitching about how life is treating you bad.

I know that my life is good and will get better... you wallow in your self pity and its sad.. very sad, you refuse to help yourself get better and thats why you will never be happy nor get better.

So the next time you want me to tell you that Cal is comming back.. dont...

If it was something in my post that I have said that has pissed you off.. then be a woman about it instead of a child and fucking phone me to talk it over instead of being a god damn child and doing this shit..

Who the hell do you think you are???

Just when I think I can trust you.

Current Mood: infuriated
1:07 am
OOOOOOo I am Freaking out...
I dont beleive this...

I really dont.

I just got this email...

I belong to this site.. poetry site.

I with some others have been nominated for best poet of 2005.

Now I have to write a new one and submit it...

O.. my... flipping... god.

Am I freaked?

Hells ya.


Now the work begins...

Current Mood: excited
Friday, September 30th, 2005
11:28 pm
Stress out the Yang.. Where the hell is Ying???
OH where do I start this one?? Well first off I called the only man that I have ever been able to depend on in my life.. My father not being one of them. Now dont get me wrong, I love him deeply (daddy that is), I would die for him but I dont trust him.. To a point, we butt heads on most issues and have issues with our friggin issues. Anyhooooo.

I called "THE MAN".. I called my spy guy I will call him. He definatly reminds me alot of James Bond for many reasons that I will not go into so therefore his name sake for posting reasons will nowforth be James.

I have knowen James for hmmm quite some time. The time we have spent together has been very limited and never been squandered. I dont know how to best describe it but hes a quality type friend. Never would betray you for anything in the world.. If you need him.. Hes there; Rain, Hurricane whatever. So I called.

When James answered I told him what was up. I told him about tomarrow, My best friends (Jude's sisters Marion) service. They are holding it up at the hall and mum and I are working in the kitchen afterwards serving lunch for the family. But thats not really what the whole issue is. There is a good friend, who is in a round about way related to Jude's daughter's husband. A good friend of my family.. and I will call him Happy Ice.

Why everything in my life is encrypted is for a reason, you know as well as I do. Anyhow, Heres the thing. Happy has been in hospital for 5 weeks. Diabetis. They have stopped doing blood transfusions, and keeping him what they call quote comfortable. The doctors are not telling the family anything more beyond that.. Fucking nice huh??

On top of that.. Happy is a Uncle of my longtime girlfriend.. a gal who I have knowen for ages.. her daughter and mine are the same age. Man how the time flies.

I sat there talking with the daughter about Happy for i dont know now.. and cant recall all the details.. I know I know them.. but .. Im sooo tired. I feel it in my bones. Its emotional more than physical I think.

Theres more.

5 years ago I beleive, the day before thanksgiving (Canadian that is) Jude's husband who has had some illness.. and Im too stressed to remember at this exact moment passed on. Thanksgiving is next week.

So... The sisters funeral type service is this week, the husbands passing is next week, Happy's predicted going is sometime very soon.. I hate seeing him in so much pain.. it tears me appart.

Heres a story that you might not beleive but it happened.

When.. and the EXACT moment when Jude's husband passed on.. I had this feeling come over me. I cant explain it other than total fear and aniety mixed in with I dont know how many other emotions.. Loss being the predominant one. But the thing that struck me the most is one name.. Jude's. All I could think of is something is wrong.. she needs me. I tried calling her on my cell, and couldnt. The next day I found out he went. At that time I was over in the next province.. a good 500 miles away give or take.

There is just some things you know or are connected with people. When they need you.. You feel it deep down.

I know Im babbling... I .. I just..

dont know anymore.. Im lost....

Im sitting here with a face mask on.. still have to paint my nails for tomarrow.. sheesh im such a flipping pansy girl..

Just finished getting my outfit together.. made a bouquet of flowers for the family Jude and her two brothers out of roses, white carnations (yes i know what they mean) and two other types or bunches of flowers and one bunch of thingies.. greenery branches..

I managed to quish them all into this vase.. beleive it or not. Most of the roses were on the bottom as you would have as a ribbon accent. with a white caration in the middle bewteen then.

I just thought of something... Oprah should hire me as her flower lady... I would knock whatshispickle on his ass... I am way friggin better than he ever could be... Why... I AM WOMAN!!

Things that usually make me happy and relaxed... are just..

Stressing?... I seem to be loosiing what touch I have.

I seem to be loosing me.

In essence.. Who am I becoming?

I know I have been through worse.. I have seen worse, I have survived way the frig more.. so what is this????

Is it a perverbial emotional cold? Or hiccup??

Oh and there is something that I seen on tv that I found disturbing... As most of you know us canadians are famous tree huggers. Well having said that, I learned that the polar ice caps are melting at an alarming rate. That is not much new news but this is a way faster rate than predicted.. In about 100 years they figure they will be gone... Our eco system is fucked.

Ironically I was watching The Day After Tomarrow last night and from what I got from that movie was (it probably will not be close) how much out systems are going to be out of balance.. DERRR... but to what extent??

Its not like I am going to live to be that age to see all this shit happen.. What I am more concerned with is my child.. my childerens children.. What legacy are we leaving them?? We have already fucked up our earth beyond repair. We adressed this at many world whatever they call them confrences.. but did anyone listen??? HELLS NO!!

The bastards didnt listen. We/They didnt take that warning, didnt take heed. Now we are offically fucked bigtime. Sure we are comming up with more energy efficient stuff.. NOW.... but where was this stuff back when we needed it? We were burning fossil fuels when WE/They had the technology to use nuclear power... but did they share with the world? NO...

Selfish bastards. Why share your toys? Why share something good? Lets let everyone suffer... Well fine you dumb ass pricks... You screwed yourselves as well morons!!!!!

I hope if any supid ass goverment officals.. who actually read the net about nuclear stuff.. and how stupid their intelligent agency is.. CIA.. etc., and their knowledge on energy is listening..

BITE ME.

You screwed our world up.. Thanx

First my friends die.. Now the world is going to die in a millenia..

whats next?

Are you pissed off too sis? I know I am..

I would like to stuff a nuke where the sun dont shine up a goverment officials you know what for messing up the eco system... Im pissed off..

GRRRRERRRRRRRR

Current Mood: predatory
11:26 pm
This really did make my day.. lmao
Angel
You are none of them! But you're not Mr./Miss
perfect.


Which Of the 7 Deadly Sins Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Current Mood: amused
11:17 pm
Alrighty then... roflmao
boo
Your soul purpose on this Earth is to develop your
6th sense. You were most likely a psychic
trainee or shrugged off your special gift in a
past life. And that is why you are back today,
to fully develop your skills. Pay close
attention to your dreams and coincidences in
your life, they make a big difference when
developing spiritually. For once in your life,
listen to what your intuition has to say, not
your mind. Although the brain is one of the
most important guidances in developing, you
must be careful because the mind can often fool
you into thinking that things like psychic
energy is all just a figment of your
imagination. As long as you take these
suggestions, developing shouldn't be nearly as
difficult as it was before. You trully are a
special person, don't let anyone make you think
otherwise.


~What Is Your Soul Purpose On This Earth?~ (Another quiz with more amazing anime pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Current Mood: devious
11:07 pm
Aphrodite
Aphrodite/Eros


?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

Current Mood: busy
10:55 pm
Does this fit me or what?? shiza...
left brain
You're left brain oriented! Some characteristics
that might describe you are: logical,
sequential, rational, analytical, objective,
and you look at parts and pay attention to
detail rather than the thing as a whole.
Memorizing numbers and the specifics is not so
difficult for you. When remembering someone,
you think of their name and traits, rather than
their physical appearance. You work better with
routine and learn best with oral or verbal
lessons. You prefer the male family members
over the female (may not pertain to all). You
don't like to feel smothered and often blame
yourself for others discomforts. Tip: relax,
learn to trust others and don't dwell on
mishaps or successes of the past. Please rate
if you liked it!


Are You More Left or Right Brain Oriented?
brought to you by Quizilla

Current Mood: contemplative
Thursday, September 22nd, 2005
12:11 am
ok dokie....
Your Hidden Talent

You're super sensitive and easily able to understand situations.
You tend to solve complex problems in a flash, without needing a lot of facts.
Decision making is easy for you. You have killer intuition.
The right path is always clear, and you're a bit of a visionary.


Current Mood: busy
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